You know, I’m sorry that I can’t go out or stay out as long as you do. I’m sorry that I can’t hang out with you the way that you want to because everything has to go my way. I’m sorry that I don’t have my phone to talk to you everyday. I’m sorry that I am just a fuck up. Yeah everybody fucks up. But it’s me. I am a fuck up. You’re not the fuck up. I am. Don’t even apologize for shit. Don’t even apologize for the way you are “slacking on treating me.” Don’t even apologize for making me feel this way. Just don’t apologize for shit. You know, I gave up talking to my friends on a daily basis so you won’t think I pay attention to them more and so you won’t think I’d fall for them. “Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Don’t blame me when you have a guy best friend and you start to fall for him and he ends up being your fuck buddy.” Really Kazu? Really? I am doing what I want. I gave up talking to them so I can be trusted again. I threw away a friendship so I can prove to you that he means nothing to me and that I wont fall for him. I want to be trusted again. Every time you say I’m gunna fall for someone else, it just hurts. It hurts so much. I really love you. I’m not going to fall for anyone. I had already fell for you. I love you and only you. No one else. You are the very first thing that I think about when I wake up and you are the very last thing I ever think about when I go to sleep. You are always on my mind 24/7. Arguing or not. You are always on my mind. There is not a minute to where you’re not. I just know I can’t be trusted when you say that I’m going to be falling for someone else. I know thats how you feel and I know that you’re hurt from the past, but knowing that you still don’t trust me, it’s like 5 months and it seems like I can’t do anything to redeem myself from everything. Maybe I am doing something, but it’s not good enough. Maybe you expect more from me. Maybe your expectations aren’t what I think they are. Maybe I’m not good enough for you. Maybe you want more from me, but I can’t deliver it so that’s why I can’t be trusted. Or its like I’m not doing anything to help myself. Why stay when there hasn’t been any progress on anything? I still push you away when I don’t mean to. I still can’t make you feel like how I want you to. I still can’t be trusted. I, I don’t know what to do with myself. I just don’t.
Calm down. Just relax. Do it for Shaden and Kaeli. How? How can I relax? I’m all shaky. I can’t relax when I’m just so irritated, jar so frustrated. Trying to stay calm but I can’t. I can’t can’t can’t. I can’t relax. I can’t keep still. I’m all shaky. I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T! I can’t get a simple I love you too and a kiss back? Nah, that’s not possible because you’re with your friends. You can just pay more attention to them than me. That’s okay with me. TOTALLY FUCKING OKAY WITH ME. You already can tell that I’m irritated from my sister. You don’t even let me finish what I have to say. “So what then?” REALLY?! LET ME FINISH TALKING! I WILL GET TO MY POINT EVENTUALLY. SORRY FOR TAKING A LONG ASS TIME TO GET TO MY POINT. SORRY THAT I CAN’T BE IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU, SO THAT YOU CAN LET ME FINISH WITH WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I gave you options I had. So you could possibly choose one? So that I can work something out with my mom? Kodee doesn’t want to bring Angelina to Palace ‘cause she’d rather be with friends than family. I don’t wanna leave Angelina alone at the beach with my parents so I asked you to come along. Nope you just want me to go. ‘Cause you’d rather stay home Okay then. I ask you if you were okay with me bring Angelina to your house. Nope. I just get a “How long is she saying with you. Uhh, I’ll let you know.” Why? Do you have something else to do? I ask you to come down to my house. Nope. I get a response like, “ohh, I don’t know if I want to go to your house.” really? I am trying to compromise with everything. I’m giving you options that I think we could work with. I know you asked me to come over, but yenno I’m kinda stuck with her. I thought you said you’d do anything to see me. Seems not. I know I said I’d do anything to see you, but I’m stuck with a little situation here. Unless Kodee would want to take Angelina to palace, then I am completely free. I asked Angelina if she would want to go. And you know what Kodee says to me? You know what Kodee fucking says to me? “You know what’s funny? You’re trying to get rid of her so you can spend time with your boyfriend. All you care about is seeing your boyfriend.” See that fucking posses me off ‘cause I am not the one who made plans to hang out with my “friends” at palace. WHEN MY MOM SPECIFICALLY TOLD THE DAMN BITCH THAT SHE HAD TO GO BEACH TOMORROW. But yenno she still gets to go palace because SHE ALWAYS FUCKING GETS WHAT SHE FUCKING WANTS!!! Just so irritated.
So frustrated with you.
YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.
You’re just so aksdjfalsk
More than a handful.
it’s all your fault vivienne.
can’t even describe how mad I am at you.
BIG FUCKING DISAPPOINTING VIVIENNE.
fuck you vivienne
fucking did it again
so irritated with you
so done with your shit
I mean I guess, use my words against me.
Way to like, bust my bubble of getting on a good mood.
I never win.